He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
These tits shall not be calmed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
