His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
