Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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