I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
