i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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