i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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