Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
