I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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