i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
