I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
