I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
