VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
