Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
