Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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