He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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