I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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