"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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