I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize