im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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