Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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