Just cropdusted the office
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
