Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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