Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
