and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
