just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
