I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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