Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She said her name was "party"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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