After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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