Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
