We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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