I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she looked like the before picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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