i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
