Say something about gay babies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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