If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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