he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
