How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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