I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
