I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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