So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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