Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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