I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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