where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
