I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
