Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just cut my nipple shaving
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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