Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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