Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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