Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize