what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
