We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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