I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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