addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize