He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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