first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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