I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
