Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
