Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
