you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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