...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize