I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
