remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize