Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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