Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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