i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
